It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
