When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I didn't notice because vodka
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
