After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
