Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
