How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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