just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
