I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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