genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
