She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
