I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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