Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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