my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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