I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
