Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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