I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
