How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I have tasted many bathrooms
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
