Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
