i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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