Kareoke will never be a sober sport
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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