Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
