Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
