Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
