fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Oh god it's open bar.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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