totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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