Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
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