i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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