This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I will be naked everywhere
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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