trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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