i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
