I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm passing your future prison.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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