Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
