I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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