Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
