Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just want nice things and good sex
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
