Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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