so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
