I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
