9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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