I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
