I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
