this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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