I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
