All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
