i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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