I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
