I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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