Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
