East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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