Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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