mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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