Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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