Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
