Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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