This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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