I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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