She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
