I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
