i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
