I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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