its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
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