i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He felt like a one man threesome
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
