Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
