I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize