help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
