8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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