I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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