i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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