Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Randomize
