my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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