I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
