see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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