it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
it was like his penis was on wheels.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
