those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
